even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize