u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize