Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
