Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
