Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
