Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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