The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
