he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
