Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize