its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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