i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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