Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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