Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
