but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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