I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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