why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
