I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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