I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
