it wasn't lemon gatorade
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
