proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
