her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
