I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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