I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
