hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
