In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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