Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
