Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
