I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize