u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
