he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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