Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
