He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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