Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
