Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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