Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize