i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
