Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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