where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize