why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
