every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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