there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
