i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize