The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
