You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You may now shotgun with the bride
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
