The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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