You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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