dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
