HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
