First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
