So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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