You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize