I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Panties = found
Will exercising make me less horny?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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