Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
