is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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