one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
