Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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