i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
