You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
