grandma shit on top of the toilet
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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