I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
