Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
