It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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