sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
