What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
