he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
