so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
