you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
