Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
