nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
