what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
