Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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