okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
