brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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