I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
