How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
